Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Learning Life Lessons with Your Child: Be Kind!

(Disclaimer to this post: The activities described in this post are currently being tested. We are 12 hours into the test. I may have to retract my position after a longer period of testing!)

For some time, we have had trouble with Claire's sassy mouth. It seems like every word that comes from her mouth is bathed in either ingratitude, complaint or sass. After a long morning yesterday, I finally took my woes to my personal MomSquad (the ladies in my office that have been there and done that and don't judge me for my mothering missteps). I asked, "What in the world can I do to help Claire be more grateful and kind with her words."

The first brave friend gently told me, from her own experience of course and not out of judgment toward me (!), that first, we, as moms, have to look at how our words are coming across to our children.

My history (and Bill's too) is that neither one of us are yellers. So, mentally, I put my "Good Job" sticker by that checkpoint and moved down the list. Perhaps sometimes I'm a little nagging and hurrying in my words and gritting my teeth to Claire (but then again, I'm just trying to get us to work, school, church, social activities on time. Okay, so I put my "Try Harder Next Time" sticker by that checklist item. Do I complain? Oh no, I do complain. Most of the time. I feel like I'm wearing many hats and I complain because none of those hats are worn with excellence. And then my words lash out to the ones I love the most at home.

So the verdict was that I had some work to do on my own mouth.

As I got Claire buckled into the car after pre-school and started driving home, I started a conversation with her.

Me: "Claire, God has talked to me today and He told me that I haven't been speaking very kind words to you. Will you forgive me?"

Claire: "That's okay Mommy" (notice that she didn't forgive me...she pointed this out later that evening when I was recounting the story to Bill!)

Me: "Claire, I am going to try really hard to be kind to you with my words. But I need your help. If you can be kind to me with your words, I think it will remind me to be kind to you. Can we do that together."

Claire: "Yes, we can be kind one to another" (Good job Ms. Patty...that verse was her Sunday School verse this past week).

I continued to re-iterate the point down the road and felt like we were making some progress. First test came when we drove by Toys-R-Us and I told her "not tonight". Test begins. Her mouth opened and she started to whine and complain, and then something miraculous happened. She caught herself and said, "I'm not being very kind." Bingo Sister. You got it. You understand.

Now, before I slap the "Terrific Job, Mom" sticker on this test, I need to tell you that later that night as she threw a tantrum over something very mild (in my opinion), and after I reminded her that she wasn't being kind with her words, she let me know that she "didn't feel like being kind" and that she was mad, and sad and angry (thanks pre-school for teaching her to put words to her feelings)! But I will give both her and I a B+ for our effort and will continue to repeat the lesson.

I learned a valuable lesson in parenting yesterday. It's not always about correcting and guiding my child, but sometimes I have to pray for direction and help her learn what I am learning. Wish us luck tonight!

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