This past March and April, I began experiencing severe cramping in my stomach and pain in my lower back. I self-diagnosed myself with ulcers (for my stomachache) and chronic back pain left over from my T12 fracture. I suffered for an entire month.
I would pull myself together to get to work and put on a happy face, but the night time was my safety zone in the privacy of home and I found myself paralyzed to do anything productive and laying on the couch all night. I didn't like this life (who would) when I had a toddler running around saying, "Get up Mommy. Come play with me."
April was a busy month of traveling for work and many times alone. On one particular trip to California, I remember just feeling horrible the entire time I was there. After turning my nose up to any suggestion of going to the doctor, I finally plopped myself down into the dr. office the morning after returning from California. After another CT scan, the radiologist ordered me to get to the ER..."you have an appendicitis."
"No, I do not" was my thoughts. An appendicitis does not last for a month. If I had an appendicitis, I wouldn't be able to pull myself together. But I took the drs orders and headed straight to the ER (after stopping at the bookstore to get me a good book to read through the upcoming ordeal).
Whe the surgeon came wheeling into the ER to check me out before surgery, he stopped dead in his tracks and said, "You do not have an appendicitis. You wouldn't be sitting up in bed smiling at me!"
Long story short, they called my gastrointerologist and after closer examination, it was inflammation, near the appendix, caused by the Crohn's Disease. I was admitted into the hospital for 3.5 days for observation, iv antibiotics and making sure that a perforation didn't and wouldn't occur.
After leaving the hospital on many medications, I still didn't feel well and the cramping in my stomach continued despite how little or how much I ate. After 2.5 more months of this pain and 2 unsuccessful drugs, I was admitted back into the hospital. This time, I was started on the heavy artillery of Crohn's medication...Remicade. I am currently still on an iv infusion of remicade every 4 weeks and eventually every 8 weeks and feeling much better.
My full life is returning and I'm not just going through the motions. I am feeling well.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
It's Been a Tough Season...Part 1
Nope, not the summer. The summer has actually been a wonderful, mild summer than past drought-filled summers. I'm more talking about this season of life.
What do I have to complain about? I've asked myself this many times. I have a husband that adores me and has actually never (against the warnings of many) followed the adage, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." He's been very moldable these past 5 years and serves the socks off of me! I have an adorable 2 1/2 year old daughter who is easy; sleeping through the night before she was supposed to and was potty trained without any blood, sweat or tears. I have a beautiful home that my adoring husband built for us with his blood, sweat and tears. I have a job and ministry that I am continually humbled to have and wander how in the world God was able to orchestrate my every step to be in the right place at the right time. One mis-step and who knows where I would be. Both of my parents are healthy, I have a loving family and faithful and loyal friends. I have more than enough food on the table each and every night.
I'm not complaining about my life. I am so thankful for all the blessings God has given me. But it's been a tough, emotional season of life.
Tough Season Part 1 could officially be stated as beginning in December 2007. Being a multi-tasking mother, I was heading to the Plan B babysitter, running late to work (I'm sure), feeding Claire breakfast in the car and driving. I took my eyes off the road for one milli-second to look in the rearview mirror at her and my front right tire of our new Tahoe decided to leave the road. The road we were on didn't have those annoying "grates" that warn you to pull it back to the left. It didn't have a guardrail. It didn't even have much of a shoulder. Instead, it had a steep enbankment leading down to a field. In a flash, Claire and I in the Tahoe were bouncing across that field and several run-off ditches. The Tahoe came to a sudden stop after we crossed a deep run-off gully. To make a long story shorter, the ambulance ushered me and Claire to Vandy ER. Claire was totally unharmed. Mommy was diagnosed with a fracture to the T12 (a broken back).
While still reeling from a diagnosis of a broken back, a sweet nurse with poor bedside manners came in to release me from the ER. "Oh, by the way, the doctor said you need to see your PCP immediately. Your CAT scan shows signs of probably Crohn's Disease."
...Oh, by the way. "What" I screamed in my head. At that point, the fracture was a minor inconvenience. She just leisurely diagnosed me with a chronic disease. A disease that has always had a negative, hopeless connotation in my head.
Just lately, a doctor described me as stoic. And as I think back about that day in the ER, yes, I can agree that I am often stoic. Bill stood there waiting for my reaction, but no reaction came. We drove to Panera Bread to grab a bite to eat after an all-day adventure in the ER. Only after Bill went inside to get me a sandwich and my boss, Paige, showed up to hand off my work computer to me and I repeated the story of the Crohn's Disease to her did I cry.
Ironically, I was no longer exhibiting symptoms of the Crohn's (I had had some severe stomach cramping a couple of weeks earlier but never had it checked out). So when I went to visit the gastrointerologist after Vandy's recommendation, and after a lower GI and colonoscopy showed a non-specific injury to my small intestine, we decided to play the "wait and see" game.
Fast forward to this March after 14 months pain-free (now I know that it is considered "remission" from Crohn's). In March, the severe stomach cramping returned with no relief and that is when this current season really began.
What do I have to complain about? I've asked myself this many times. I have a husband that adores me and has actually never (against the warnings of many) followed the adage, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." He's been very moldable these past 5 years and serves the socks off of me! I have an adorable 2 1/2 year old daughter who is easy; sleeping through the night before she was supposed to and was potty trained without any blood, sweat or tears. I have a beautiful home that my adoring husband built for us with his blood, sweat and tears. I have a job and ministry that I am continually humbled to have and wander how in the world God was able to orchestrate my every step to be in the right place at the right time. One mis-step and who knows where I would be. Both of my parents are healthy, I have a loving family and faithful and loyal friends. I have more than enough food on the table each and every night.
I'm not complaining about my life. I am so thankful for all the blessings God has given me. But it's been a tough, emotional season of life.
Tough Season Part 1 could officially be stated as beginning in December 2007. Being a multi-tasking mother, I was heading to the Plan B babysitter, running late to work (I'm sure), feeding Claire breakfast in the car and driving. I took my eyes off the road for one milli-second to look in the rearview mirror at her and my front right tire of our new Tahoe decided to leave the road. The road we were on didn't have those annoying "grates" that warn you to pull it back to the left. It didn't have a guardrail. It didn't even have much of a shoulder. Instead, it had a steep enbankment leading down to a field. In a flash, Claire and I in the Tahoe were bouncing across that field and several run-off ditches. The Tahoe came to a sudden stop after we crossed a deep run-off gully. To make a long story shorter, the ambulance ushered me and Claire to Vandy ER. Claire was totally unharmed. Mommy was diagnosed with a fracture to the T12 (a broken back).
While still reeling from a diagnosis of a broken back, a sweet nurse with poor bedside manners came in to release me from the ER. "Oh, by the way, the doctor said you need to see your PCP immediately. Your CAT scan shows signs of probably Crohn's Disease."
...Oh, by the way. "What" I screamed in my head. At that point, the fracture was a minor inconvenience. She just leisurely diagnosed me with a chronic disease. A disease that has always had a negative, hopeless connotation in my head.
Just lately, a doctor described me as stoic. And as I think back about that day in the ER, yes, I can agree that I am often stoic. Bill stood there waiting for my reaction, but no reaction came. We drove to Panera Bread to grab a bite to eat after an all-day adventure in the ER. Only after Bill went inside to get me a sandwich and my boss, Paige, showed up to hand off my work computer to me and I repeated the story of the Crohn's Disease to her did I cry.
Ironically, I was no longer exhibiting symptoms of the Crohn's (I had had some severe stomach cramping a couple of weeks earlier but never had it checked out). So when I went to visit the gastrointerologist after Vandy's recommendation, and after a lower GI and colonoscopy showed a non-specific injury to my small intestine, we decided to play the "wait and see" game.
Fast forward to this March after 14 months pain-free (now I know that it is considered "remission" from Crohn's). In March, the severe stomach cramping returned with no relief and that is when this current season really began.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
You Make Me Laugh
Claire, you make me laugh. I think Grandma prays for you to make me laugh because that seems to be the only time I call her! Last night, we were coming home from Vacation Bible School. It was dark and rainy and we were pulling out of the parking lot across the street of the church.
"Oh no, Oh no, Oh no...the toy fell down," you pathetically moaned.
"Claire, what are you talking about?"
"Oh no, oh no, the toy fell down." You were so concerned.
"Oh no!"
I looked across the street towards the church where you were looking. The inflatable bouncy house and slide that were up for VBS had been shut off for the night and were laying flat on the ground.
"Claire, are you talking about the bouncy house?" I asked.
"Yes, the bouncy house fell down!" your little heart broken.
"Claire, they just took the air out of it for the night. It will be back up tomorrow!"
This morning as I was getting ready for work, you were laying all cozy in mommy and daddy's bed with the blankets pulled up to your chin watching cartoons.
"Mommy! You don't go to work today. You stay home with me and watch Scooby Dooby!" you commanded.
Now what mother could turn that down?
As I laughed, I layed down with you for just a second and explained that you had to go to school and I had to go to work.
"You need pillow. I share!" you continued to convince!
Oh, you are so hard to deny!
Your little vocabulary is developing every day. Your little mind amazes me. You are so smart. You see things that adults just let go by everyday. You are funny. You are caring. I love you so much!
"Oh no, Oh no, Oh no...the toy fell down," you pathetically moaned.
"Claire, what are you talking about?"
"Oh no, oh no, the toy fell down." You were so concerned.
"Oh no!"
I looked across the street towards the church where you were looking. The inflatable bouncy house and slide that were up for VBS had been shut off for the night and were laying flat on the ground.
"Claire, are you talking about the bouncy house?" I asked.
"Yes, the bouncy house fell down!" your little heart broken.
"Claire, they just took the air out of it for the night. It will be back up tomorrow!"
This morning as I was getting ready for work, you were laying all cozy in mommy and daddy's bed with the blankets pulled up to your chin watching cartoons.
"Mommy! You don't go to work today. You stay home with me and watch Scooby Dooby!" you commanded.
Now what mother could turn that down?
As I laughed, I layed down with you for just a second and explained that you had to go to school and I had to go to work.
"You need pillow. I share!" you continued to convince!
Oh, you are so hard to deny!
Your little vocabulary is developing every day. Your little mind amazes me. You are so smart. You see things that adults just let go by everyday. You are funny. You are caring. I love you so much!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
A Note to Claire
"Time-out" 3 times before we left the house this morning...not a good start to our day. Daddy and I are laying down the law until your new attitude leaves. You are so smart about everything else in life...we know you understand the difference between blessings and consequences, disrepect and respect and disobedience and obedience! I know these are big words, but you have had enough association with them according to your behavior...we know you know what we mean. If you are smart enough to march yourself to your time-out chair, you are smart enough to know the reason why.
We love you so much and feel so blessed to have the opportunity to mold your sweet little personality. The good part of this story is that these stints of bad behavior are short lived and few and far between. We understand you are in detox from Grand-ma's and Aunt Anga's, so we have given you some additional grace :).
Your goal today is to get a good report from Ms. Emily at school and prove you do, indeed, have listening ears.
I love you,
Mommy
We love you so much and feel so blessed to have the opportunity to mold your sweet little personality. The good part of this story is that these stints of bad behavior are short lived and few and far between. We understand you are in detox from Grand-ma's and Aunt Anga's, so we have given you some additional grace :).
Your goal today is to get a good report from Ms. Emily at school and prove you do, indeed, have listening ears.
I love you,
Mommy
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