Claire's 6th Birthday Party!

When I worked full-time outside of the home, I had a guilt-driven habit of planning BIG birthday parties for Claire to make myself feel better. It was only our immediate family and 1-2 of our, her parents, closest friends. Lucky for her, her parent's best friends also had two children that were her best friends.

The party was for me. To make me feel better. She could have cared less about the hours on end that I spent in the kitchen late at night after working all day to test out and make the perfect cupcake and icing She could have cared less about the perfectly themed table decor. She could have cared less about a theme at all. But I cared. I wanted her to look back at pictures of her early birthdays and recount that her mommy went to great lengths to plan a perfect day for her.

Now that I am at home full-time with her and Adleigh, I assumed the guilt-driven habit of planning BIG birthday parties would end. I tried. I really did. I stated several times that there was no theme this year. Her birthday invitation to immediate family and 1-2 of her parent's closest friends was generic with a picture of her on it.

And then, one day, I couldn't stand it any longer. I was paralyzed. I had to have a theme.

I asked her what she wanted the theme to be. She said "40's sailor girl." (She has always associated her Halloween costume with her birthday theme which are NOT the same, I argue with her. They are very separate, within the same week, BIG occasions. The annual Halloween party is another party that I need therapy for). She said she wanted a princess cake from Publix. I said, "You don't want Mommy's home-made cupcakes with buttercream icing that I have perfected for YOU?" She said again that she wanted a princess cake from Publix. "Would you like both?" And off she ran with a shrug of her shoulders.

She didn't care, but I did. I had to have a theme. But I was a blank slate. I only had 2 weeks and no ideas. I resorted to polling my Facebook friends. And the theme surfaced...an artist party! I am not original.  All of my ideas were borrowed from the web and party blogs. I used primary colors like an artist's palette. I made flower pom-poms and hung from our ceiling. I baked cupcakes and baked cupcakes and baked more cupcakes...I believe I baked 48 regular size cupcakes, 25 mini-cupcakes and a large artist palette cake. Way too much butter, sugar, flour and powdered sugar than one family needs to have. My best friend baked her famous sugar cookies for the occasion in the shape of an artist palette. The cake was the most challenging since I am definitely an amateur. But for an amateur, I was proud of it in the end.

Here are pictures from the big day!

At the end of the day, Claire had a great time. I think she still could care less about a theme, so I will try my best to do what she wants next year...go to Publix. And at the end of the day, her mommy (and grandmother) were exhausted. Not only can I not say no to a "themed party", I can't say no to "fall cleaning" my house prior to her party, including washing windows. I have no idea why I do this. Like I said, it was only family, who has seen my house for better or worse.

Adleigh's first birthday is only 1.5 months away. I told Bill that I can't continue to do this. However, how can I NOT do it for her first birthday...and then I'll stop!!!!!!

A New Direction

Our family is taking a new direction starting Monday. Over the last 10 years, I have had much change in my life; however, I think this change took the longest time and the most prayer. There are pivotal decisions in everyone's life that mark you forever. My salvation, my marriage, my children, my choice of where to go to college, my career, etc.

Thirteen years ago, fresh out of college, I decided to apply for one of LifeWay Christian Resources summer camps. I was hired to work Crosspoint, a children's sports camp. Through that decision, I met many people who believed in me and nurtured my career path. Nearly 10 years ago, I was hired as a Women's Events Coordinator for LifeWay Christian Resources.

I have had the amazing privilege of coordinating events for our generation's top women's Bible teachers in churches, convention centers and arenas. As I tell so often, this was not a position I sought after. God placed it in my lap and in my heart. However, there has never been a position that was more suited for my God-given gifts and abilities. The work has never been hard for me; perhaps stressful, but never hard. I loved every moment of it. The traveling to events, of course. But also the tedious in-office details. My heart and soul thrived on it all. My natural-born tendency to internalize stress and remain calm under pressure was an asset.

But, as should always be expected, there comes a bend in the road. A beautiful baby girl arrived on the scene 5 years ago. My purpose in life shifted, as does every mother. However, I decided to remain on my path as an event coordinator because I was so fulfilled spiritually and mentally by what I did. And, of course, our family had become accustomed to a two-income household. The travel became harder and my life became more stressful, but I had a very supportive husband at home and a gracious family that helped me on those traveling weekends.

Three years ago, my life's path took another detour when I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Although I needed to make my health a top priority in my life - nutrition, exercise and stress-management, I just couldn't (maybe wouldn't) make the time with working full-time, traveling and raising Claire. But as many of you know, as hard as you fight it, your body often wins. My internalized stress was going to get me, sooner or later.

And then the biggest decision of our married life occurred 2 years ago when we decided to launch Cato Construction and Excavating. (You can read about that entire spiritual journey here). During these business-launching years, my income was critical. I became so dependent on my job for the paycheck that the joy of what I did was slowly seeping out of me. Stressful situations at work that once were small obstacles were now huge roadblocks that I couldn't tackle because I felt trapped. I am sure I was a bear to work with at times as I pitied myself - "I want to go home to be a mom, I can't go home, I love what I do, I hate what I do." My heart and mind was so conflicted. And the more I prayed for clarity, the more conflicted I became.

Even when I was pregnant with Adleigh this past summer and fall, I would go back and forth on working and staying at home. Although Bill was working so hard and getting many calls, we kept getting financial blows with the business (and fixing a dumptruck or dozier is not inexpensive). As work became more stressful, my heart was being called towards home more and more. But me of little faith did not know how we were going to do it financially. I had been cutting coupons and saving where I could already, I just couldn't see a way for me to come home. And the Crohn's was always looming over me. Even though I hadn't had symptoms of the disease in 18 months, the fear of not being insurable was often insurmountable. Bill was pleading for me to trust him and God. I wanted to take the leap of faith, but the realist in me would never let go.

And then it happened, one evening in late February as Bill and I were discussing the stresses that returning to work and traveling would put on our family. He looked at me and said, "I will support you if you go back, but I think it will be too much stress on our family." And that was it. The decision was made. I jumped without the parachute. We stepped into the waters without knowledge of it's parting. The paralyzing fears that were torturing me were replaced by peace. I was not returning to work. I still couldn't make the math work out. But I believed that God had prepared this path for us. Once the decision was made, in hindsight, it seemed like the easy decision. But 5 years of agonizing will not be forgotten.

As soon as the decision was made, as only God could orchestrate, the phone started ringing. Not only for more work for Bill, but leads for me to work from home in a capacity that I am so familiar with and that will allow me to use the experiences I have had at LifeWay. What a faithful God we serve. It's not the easy road. I was, as I once feared, declined on Bill's insurance due to the Crohn's and we don't know what we will do. Our vehicle did break-down the week we made the decision. But I have quickly come to understand that God's abundant blessings are not material, they are love, joy and peace...three blessings He has showered on me lately.

So that is our new direction. I am no longer an event coordinator. I traded in that hat to be a family manager (which includes making my health a top priority) and No. 1 cheerleader of Cato Construction and Excavating. And check back later when I can officially announce what I will be doing part-time. It's a continuation of the God story.