Frustrated!

One morning, I was feeling really sorry for myself and my plot (the plot I helped create) as a full-time, work-outside-the-home mom… and thus, that morning, I was cynical about everything.

Before I continue, I need you to hear my heart’s desire. God, this year, has gradually been turning this “career-minded” gal’s heart toward things of home. I’m still a full-time working mom with a 2 hour commute (sorry, I slipped into feeling sorry for myself again), but I am starting to yearn for the day that I get to take my turn at being a full-time, working-inside-the-home mom. God’s timing is perfect!

And also hear that one of my pet-peeves throughout the 3 years I have been a full-time working-outside-the-home mom is the criticism I have received from some well-intentioned people criticizing, judging, telling me it makes them so sad when they see a child outside a daycare being cared by someone other than their mother…sorry, cynical again. The one thing I have learned, undoubtedly, in this 3 year journey, is don’t put motherhood into a cookie cutter. Don’t judge moms and the decisions they have or have not made, the decisions you agree or disagree about. My prayer is that we can just encourage one another in our journey of motherhood.

So, all that to say, I wrote the following with much envy toward my working-inside-the-home friends. And, what is to follow is my more cynical side. A weaker side. A defensive side. A side that came crashing forward when I read an article from a full-time working-inside-the-home mom feeling sorry for herself (which I will be one day) explaining her day before noon. My tale, is a tale that was written in the car one day (on that 2 hour round trip commute) when I had had it up to here (hands waving above my head) of my own plot in life! So, here you go…

4:45 am First alarm goes off, Bill hits snooze
5:00 am Second alarm goes off, Bill hits snooze, I roll over to realize it’s storming outside. Wonder if the thunder is going to wake up Claire. Drift back off to sleep as I pull up the covers and think how Bill said we would both feel like “champs” if we got up early.
5:15 am Snooze alarm goes off again. Bill rolls out to go walk the dog. I get up and start my quiet time.
6:00 am Jump in the shower, amazed that the storm still has not woken Claire up
6:15 am Washing hair, eyes shut, hear a sweet little voice “Good Morning Mommy”. Claire is with Bill. Bill asks where the new construction account debit card and pin are. I tell him. Think to myself, “we are really heading out on our own.” Say a little prayer. They head to kitchen to get breakfast. I get out of the shower.
6:30 am Dressed with hair up in a towel, no make-up yet. Clothes are the typical iron-free type. Pants have probably already been worn this week. Think I need a new wardrobe. Think I need to lose 20 before I get a new wardrobe.
6:35 am Standing in kitchen. Decide to find the debit card and pin for him. Oh, almost forgot the paperwork for the dr appt. today. Go to browning pot roast on the stovetop, cutting up carrots and potatoes to go in the crockpot with pot roast. Go on and plug the crockpot in and turn it on low. Last time I used crockpot, I got home and realized I never plugged it up. That meal was ruined. Giving Bill the run down of the evening. Gran has a pampered chef party, roast will be for supper, Claire is tugging on Bill saying she would really like to go to Su-Su’s to see the horses.
6:45 am Bill and Claire sitting at the table eating cereal. Bribe Claire that she can have some cookie dough if she eats all of her cereal (she doesn’t). Never noticed that we never gave her milk (will be reminded of it in the car later). I run back to the bathroom to take my hair down and scrunch it to wear it curly (well, wavy) today. The easiest hair-do!
7:00 am Back to kitchen to kiss Bill good-bye. Claire reminds him that he forgot his breakfast bar. He grabs it and heads out the door. She has a melt-down as soon as the door shuts. We go to the door to watch him leave. Gunner (the dog) bumped into him, he spilt his coffee all over the garage. I see the frustration rising. Bill bends down to tie his boots. Gunner takes off with his breakfast bar. Bill yells at the dog. Chases him around the car. The dog is more tricky. I see the fumes rising. I head down the steps to trap the dog. I got the bar, dog jumps up on me, dirt all over my twice-worn-this-week black slacks. Didn’t notice until later. Head back upstairs to get Bill another bar.
7:05 Bill is in the truck. We are back in the house. Claire begs for me to eat cereal with her. I sit down, she heads to the bedroom to look for her “sprinkler jeans”. I’m eating alone. She comes back when I’m done. Wants me to work a puzzle with her. Have to deny her. I look at the clock and know that I’m going to be late today.
7:10 Blow drying hair to make it wavy. Can tell I waited too long to dry it…it’s not going to be a pretty wave. Put on make-up. Decide to wear contacts today. Maybe that will distract from my hair.
7:25 All ready to go. Claire mozies in with sprinkler jeans on but no top. Hurry her to get top on. She wants to wear winter hat and gloves despite it being 55 out right now. Don’t argue! It’s not a hill to die on. Head to kitchen. Thinking if we hurry, maybe I can be on time.
7:30 Oh no, lunch. Must fix lunch. Committed to not spending anymore money on eating out. Throw some lettuce in a bowl and some fruit. Yum :)
7:43 Out the door. On the road for my hour commute. Claire starts crying that she’s hungry and never had her milk. Shoot, horrible mom! Give her a piece of gum. Talk to her in the car. Check blackberry messages to see if there are any pressing issues at work. Wonder if it is also illegal to read emails while driving. I don’t text! Watching the clock carefully. There is a small chance I will be on time.
8:12 Pull up to Claire’s school. Unbuckle her as we get into the parking lot. Prepare her to jump out of the car as soon as we stop. We must hurry. I have to be at work at 8:30.
8:13 We jump out of the car (and into a puddle). Oh well. Hurry inside. Hug. Kiss. Hug. Kiss. See you later. She’s happy to see her friends.
8:16 Back in the car. Think to myself that school zone time has passed. Saves me a minute of slowing down. Pull onto Old Hickory. Can see the interstate. Uh-oh. Slow rolling.
8:30 Blackberry reminder that I have a meeting with boss at 9:00. Same boss that reminded us lately that we need to be in the office no later than 8:30. I can see downtown, but I’m not in the office.
8:37 Walking down the hall to my office. Boss is coming out of her office (next to mine). As I approach my door, she doesn’t see me…she’s looking at her watch and looking at my door. I laugh to myself…this will be perfect for the story I’m about to spend 10 more minutes typing. Say I’m sorry as we pass in the hall.
8:40 Boot up my computer…10 minutes late and spend the next 10 minutes typing this!!!

The Sun is Shining...

thus I feel a new start coming on.

Because the sun is pouring through my office window, I feel like

cleaning house

reading blogs that have been neglected over the winter

dreaming of how to decorate my office

going for a walk in downtown Nashville

making my grocery list

visiting with co-workers

cleaning off my desk and then wiping it down with a Clorox wipe

doing anything but work!!!

I'm back! I have some funny Claire stories that I can't wait to catch you up on!

Winter Cleaning: Making it Competitive, thus Fun!

While I am on vacation, I'm doing a little spring cleaning in winter! I've cleaned the windows that are in plain view (meaning, I didn't clean the ones that are at the back of the house in our bedroom). Now, I'm working on our master closet. It continually amazed me that despite buying less clothes each year (most of my clothes budget goes towards keeping Sister dressed and stylish), my closet still looks like we accumulate hundreds of clothes each year.

I started this little game with Bill when we first got married to get him involved with cleaning and organizing. We individually go through the closet and pull out clothes we don't want. The catch is whoever gets rid of the most pieces gets a monetary prize to buy another clothing item. Bill goes in first and doesn't tell me how many he's pulled out. I go in and purge all the clothes that I know longer wear. Why this game works is that there is a little competition and we aren't hanging on to those "well maybe I'll actually wear this 1980's blouse next year" clothes. Every piece of clothing can be the difference between winning and losing.

I am the champion 4 years running!!! And it looks like I'm going to win it again in 2009! I've already got my eye on what I'm going to purchase with the prize money!!!

Catch Up: Claire's Birthday

Whoo! I have some catching up to do. And what better time to do that than on my 2 week vacation. The first matter of catch up...Claire's 3rd Birthday!

After much thought, research and discussion...I opted for a monkey themed birthday. Claire's birthday is November 1st, and as much as I wanted to steer clear of Halloween for her birthday party, it was inevitable since Halloween was on Saturday and birthday was on Sunday and it was much easier for family to come on Saturday.

I decided on the monkey theme because Claire's favorite song and source of entertainment (at that time) was a jazzy, soulful rendition of "5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed" (check out cd...Party Like a Preschooler).

So I went to researching on the web and found this cute idea with cupcakes. I have made cupcakes for Claire's birthday since her first birthday, so it worked right into my plan. And then we ordered a monkey costume for her for Halloween. It was a day for of monkeys!

Okay, catch up is short...Cato Clan just walked in the door and Claire is sweetly asking for my attention. Here are some pics from the birthday.

(Blue and green buttercream cupcakes and chocolate cupcakes with Barrels of Monkeys sticking out of them)

(This was my favorite touch. Glass blocks...found on sale at Lowes and used for many decorating purposes the rest of the year...tied up with green, blue and brown ribbon with monkey art and a number 3 on the front.)

(Second favorite idea stolen from another blog. We used the barrels, from the Barrel of Monkeys, as a cupcake holder and tied it up with a brown ribbon. Also, Claire's invitations were sent in a barrel, bought in bulk on the web, to friends and family!)

(The birthday girl blowing out her candles. Notice the monkey hanging from the lighting fixture!!!)

(The birthday girl!)

"Our Choices are Never Free from this Conflict"

God blessed me this weekend with some really sweet and really rich personal Bible study. I have never really been trained to study scripture on my own. Alot of my bible study has been hit and miss by thumbing through commentaries and reading what other people believe and have written.

Recently, I began a new Bible study from Priscilla Shirer, Can We Talk? Priscilla and LifeWay, the publisher, have marketed the Bible study as an "un-Bible study" which always made me think "hmmmm...what does that mean?" Well, after 3 weeks of it, I am figuring it out. Priscilla uses a bible study method called the 5 P's of Bible Study:

1. Position yourself to hear from God.
2. Pore over the passage and paraphrase the major points.Look for the who, what, when, where, and why of the verse
3. Pull out the spiritual principles.What is God teaching? What is He revealing about Himself?
4. Pose the question.Form a personally directed question from each of the spiritual principles.
5. Plan obedience and pin down a date.

In this season of my life, my Bible study has been revolutionized by this method. God has revealed so many riches to me through this method. Thus, leading me to the title of this entry. I was studying a familiar passage of Galations 5. This is the passage that talks about the fruit of the Holy Spirit and the actions of the flesh. I think I have every translations of the Bible from NIV, NLT, HCSB, KJV, and so on. On this particular day, I was reading out on my backporch with my small Bible, NLT. Now, like I said, this passage was very familiar to me but the way the NLT phrased it, a new revelation jumped off the pages at me. And here is what my Bible read:

Galatians 5:17 (New Living Translation)
17 The old sinful nature loves to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite from what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict.

My choices are NEVER free from this conflict (of the Holy Spirit and the flesh). Why did it jump out at me in a different way? I think because of the word choices. I make choices daily. Even if I am living in freedom and victory over an area in my life, I am still making deliberate choices CONSTANTLY to remain in victory and freedom. And even the opposite is true. Even if the flesh is having the victory, my next choice concerning that area can be one of the Spirit. I don't have to wait until tomorrow to get a do over. My next choice is my "do over."

As I pondered this thought, I thought about the battles that must be happening in the heavenlies over my decisions. It made me tired to even think about it. My own mind wears me out sometimes, let alone to know that the battle is raging in the unseen world over every single choice I make concerning each and every area of my life.

As my friend Michelle reminded me today, we are living sacrifices to God. We continually lay ourselves, our actions, our decisions and our choices on the alter. It's active and fluid. We can get up off that alter or we continually choose to lay there!

I hope this meant something to someone today. Maybe it was just something I needed! But it certainly made me look at my life differently and help me to realize that life is exciting and my choices have eternal consequences.

A Photo Catch Up Entry

Here are some summer-time pics of The Cato House! We've had a great summer but all of us are ready for the cool reprieve of fall!

Down at the creek behind our house!



Cooling off in her pool!

Being a beach-bum is hard work!

A Thought I've Been Pondering

I'm in women's ministry. So it's my work and ministry to pay attention to what is going on with women. What do women like? What are women buying? What are women reading? What are women watching? So on and so on until you think you should have a degree in womanology!

At my office, the newest thing we are paying attention to is social networking. This is foreign to me, first, because I'm an introvert and I don't like to network. I like my small, tight-knit group of friends and families. I cannot be fully engaged in the lives of hundreds of my Facebook friends. I would rather live and be in the throws of life with a few. Second, I don't feel like my life is interesting enough to Twitter about or post status updates on Facebook or even be posting blogs. But those above me say it's not about what you write, it's about gaining a bigger network. Hmmmm!

Last week, my director sent an email out telling us to "watch these up-and-coming, Christian bloggers." So, Friday afternoon, when it was really slow in the office, I went through all of the blogs of these fine women, saved them to my favorites and even stopped by and visited some of the blogs. They were very interesting, very creative...I would even love to be friends with many, if not all, of these ladies.

However, one thing it did to me, that I wasn't expecting and had me pondering all weekend, was foster a sense of insecurity in me. These gals have it together! They write so well, they are so creative, they are great photographers, they have beautiful families, they are encouraging, they are bringing joy to so many, they are traveling, they are remodeling their homes on a shoestring budget and it looks like a dollhouse, they are writing books, they are presenting at conferences, they are weathering the storms of life one blog entry at a time.

Now, I can pick up a People magazine at the grocery store and see a "star" that seems to have it all together and know in the back of my head that their life is as airbrushed as their photo. But these blogging gals are real life, in the trenches, women! It just made me look at myself differently...even to the point of thinking I should take down my blog altogether because I didn't want to compare my random rants to these "professionals."

Hmmmm! So what is it? What caused the insecurity? I am a pretty secure gal typically. Was it just a fleeting feeling. Something that I'll laugh at when I read back over my post...tomorrow! Is God using this as a springboard to move me to the "next" in my life?

So, in closing today (and I think I'll be revisiting this topic again), I'm praying that God will make me secure in my "ordinary" life...the "ordinary" life that MANY would die to have and I am so blessed to be living.