Frustrated!

One morning, I was feeling really sorry for myself and my plot (the plot I helped create) as a full-time, work-outside-the-home mom… and thus, that morning, I was cynical about everything.

Before I continue, I need you to hear my heart’s desire. God, this year, has gradually been turning this “career-minded” gal’s heart toward things of home. I’m still a full-time working mom with a 2 hour commute (sorry, I slipped into feeling sorry for myself again), but I am starting to yearn for the day that I get to take my turn at being a full-time, working-inside-the-home mom. God’s timing is perfect!

And also hear that one of my pet-peeves throughout the 3 years I have been a full-time working-outside-the-home mom is the criticism I have received from some well-intentioned people criticizing, judging, telling me it makes them so sad when they see a child outside a daycare being cared by someone other than their mother…sorry, cynical again. The one thing I have learned, undoubtedly, in this 3 year journey, is don’t put motherhood into a cookie cutter. Don’t judge moms and the decisions they have or have not made, the decisions you agree or disagree about. My prayer is that we can just encourage one another in our journey of motherhood.

So, all that to say, I wrote the following with much envy toward my working-inside-the-home friends. And, what is to follow is my more cynical side. A weaker side. A defensive side. A side that came crashing forward when I read an article from a full-time working-inside-the-home mom feeling sorry for herself (which I will be one day) explaining her day before noon. My tale, is a tale that was written in the car one day (on that 2 hour round trip commute) when I had had it up to here (hands waving above my head) of my own plot in life! So, here you go…

4:45 am First alarm goes off, Bill hits snooze
5:00 am Second alarm goes off, Bill hits snooze, I roll over to realize it’s storming outside. Wonder if the thunder is going to wake up Claire. Drift back off to sleep as I pull up the covers and think how Bill said we would both feel like “champs” if we got up early.
5:15 am Snooze alarm goes off again. Bill rolls out to go walk the dog. I get up and start my quiet time.
6:00 am Jump in the shower, amazed that the storm still has not woken Claire up
6:15 am Washing hair, eyes shut, hear a sweet little voice “Good Morning Mommy”. Claire is with Bill. Bill asks where the new construction account debit card and pin are. I tell him. Think to myself, “we are really heading out on our own.” Say a little prayer. They head to kitchen to get breakfast. I get out of the shower.
6:30 am Dressed with hair up in a towel, no make-up yet. Clothes are the typical iron-free type. Pants have probably already been worn this week. Think I need a new wardrobe. Think I need to lose 20 before I get a new wardrobe.
6:35 am Standing in kitchen. Decide to find the debit card and pin for him. Oh, almost forgot the paperwork for the dr appt. today. Go to browning pot roast on the stovetop, cutting up carrots and potatoes to go in the crockpot with pot roast. Go on and plug the crockpot in and turn it on low. Last time I used crockpot, I got home and realized I never plugged it up. That meal was ruined. Giving Bill the run down of the evening. Gran has a pampered chef party, roast will be for supper, Claire is tugging on Bill saying she would really like to go to Su-Su’s to see the horses.
6:45 am Bill and Claire sitting at the table eating cereal. Bribe Claire that she can have some cookie dough if she eats all of her cereal (she doesn’t). Never noticed that we never gave her milk (will be reminded of it in the car later). I run back to the bathroom to take my hair down and scrunch it to wear it curly (well, wavy) today. The easiest hair-do!
7:00 am Back to kitchen to kiss Bill good-bye. Claire reminds him that he forgot his breakfast bar. He grabs it and heads out the door. She has a melt-down as soon as the door shuts. We go to the door to watch him leave. Gunner (the dog) bumped into him, he spilt his coffee all over the garage. I see the frustration rising. Bill bends down to tie his boots. Gunner takes off with his breakfast bar. Bill yells at the dog. Chases him around the car. The dog is more tricky. I see the fumes rising. I head down the steps to trap the dog. I got the bar, dog jumps up on me, dirt all over my twice-worn-this-week black slacks. Didn’t notice until later. Head back upstairs to get Bill another bar.
7:05 Bill is in the truck. We are back in the house. Claire begs for me to eat cereal with her. I sit down, she heads to the bedroom to look for her “sprinkler jeans”. I’m eating alone. She comes back when I’m done. Wants me to work a puzzle with her. Have to deny her. I look at the clock and know that I’m going to be late today.
7:10 Blow drying hair to make it wavy. Can tell I waited too long to dry it…it’s not going to be a pretty wave. Put on make-up. Decide to wear contacts today. Maybe that will distract from my hair.
7:25 All ready to go. Claire mozies in with sprinkler jeans on but no top. Hurry her to get top on. She wants to wear winter hat and gloves despite it being 55 out right now. Don’t argue! It’s not a hill to die on. Head to kitchen. Thinking if we hurry, maybe I can be on time.
7:30 Oh no, lunch. Must fix lunch. Committed to not spending anymore money on eating out. Throw some lettuce in a bowl and some fruit. Yum :)
7:43 Out the door. On the road for my hour commute. Claire starts crying that she’s hungry and never had her milk. Shoot, horrible mom! Give her a piece of gum. Talk to her in the car. Check blackberry messages to see if there are any pressing issues at work. Wonder if it is also illegal to read emails while driving. I don’t text! Watching the clock carefully. There is a small chance I will be on time.
8:12 Pull up to Claire’s school. Unbuckle her as we get into the parking lot. Prepare her to jump out of the car as soon as we stop. We must hurry. I have to be at work at 8:30.
8:13 We jump out of the car (and into a puddle). Oh well. Hurry inside. Hug. Kiss. Hug. Kiss. See you later. She’s happy to see her friends.
8:16 Back in the car. Think to myself that school zone time has passed. Saves me a minute of slowing down. Pull onto Old Hickory. Can see the interstate. Uh-oh. Slow rolling.
8:30 Blackberry reminder that I have a meeting with boss at 9:00. Same boss that reminded us lately that we need to be in the office no later than 8:30. I can see downtown, but I’m not in the office.
8:37 Walking down the hall to my office. Boss is coming out of her office (next to mine). As I approach my door, she doesn’t see me…she’s looking at her watch and looking at my door. I laugh to myself…this will be perfect for the story I’m about to spend 10 more minutes typing. Say I’m sorry as we pass in the hall.
8:40 Boot up my computer…10 minutes late and spend the next 10 minutes typing this!!!